KICK Backs

Now that was supremely awful

NOBBY PILES

It seems hard to imagine that only a couple of years ago England's cricket team rode in triumph through London's streets aboard an open top bus cheered by multitudes of fans after their Ashes victory over Australia. Were they to board such a vehicle when they return to England next week the only thing they are likely to be greeted with at Trafalgar Square is rotten tomatoes. That victory parade had already dimmed in the memories after England were thrashed by Australia in the subsequent Ashes series and now after the World Cup those halcyon days of 2005 seem little more than a fairy tale.

Admittedly, few thought England would do very well in the World Cup, but none would have predicted such an abject display as they have witnessed during the past month. The headlines said it all: ''Sunken Duncan,'' ''Shambles'' and ''Fletcher's Flops''. Perhaps the best summing up came from the Daily Mail which commented: ''The end of England's World Cup campaign finally came last night, it was not so much an elimination as a mercy killing.''

The Mail continued: ''Nothing in even this country's interminable history as great sporting losers quite prepared us for the degradation of this yellow-bellied, scarlet-faced, white-flag surrender by England's cricketers.''

Despite scraping into the Super Eights there had been nothing super about England's performances. Unless they defeat the West Indies today, the only Test-playing nation England have beaten in this World Cup is Bangladesh, hardly a cricketing giant.

In the crucial match against South Africa this week England were supremely awful. Most fans would have accepted defeat if they had gone down with guns blazing, or at least given their opponents a decent game. But the manner of their defeat was little short of embarrassing.

After two overs England were 0-0. After five overs it was 5-0. This would have been regarded as slow even for a five-day Test much, but we were in a 50-over game for heaven's sake! It took captain Michael Vaughan 20 balls to get his first run. After 9 overs England had crawled their way to to 18-1. At the same stage South Africa had 80 on the board.

To give South Africa fair due, they bowled cleverly and at no stage did England ever look like they might get a competitive score. The inevitable and almost comical mid-innings batting collapse just hastened things a little. England have actually perfected the batting collapse to an art form.

At the end of the abysmal England innings, one frustrated Guardian reader wrote: ''I think the England team should all be put in pedalos and told to make their own way home. At least that way if any of them made it we'd have something heroic to celebrate.''

The four best teams have reached the semi-finals although it is still not certain who will play who. One noticeable characteristic of all these teams is that they have aggressive opening batsmen, something England were desperately lacking. It was unfortunate that Marcus Trescothick was not available because he had been one of the few England batsmen who gets after the bowling, something that can hardly be said of Vaughan.

With Freddie Flintoff floundering with the bat it might have been worth the gamble of putting him as an opener and told to go for it, a bit like Ian Botham was used 20 years earlier. A few fours from Freddie at the start of the innings would have been less painful than seeing him scratching around in the middle order for just a couple of runs.

There were not too many bright spots in England's performances. Kevin Pietersen did about as much as he could but they can't expect him to rescue the innings every match. Ravi Bopara showed some promise further down the order and Nixon at least displayed some aggression, admittedly more with his mouth than with the bat.

At least England fans are used to failure so there won't be any burning of effigies or people committing hara- kiri. Instead it will be going down the pub and having a good old moan in true English tradition. You can't beat a spectacular batting collapse for a conversation piece.

Bangkok Post

Last Updated : Saturday April 21, 2007