Dad's girlfriend is driving our family apart

Thailand News - Outlook - Wednesday December 12, 2007

Dad's girlfriend is driving our family apart

Dear Annie: My parents were married for 50 years when Mum died of cancer two years ago. After that, Dad, who rarely drank, started going to bars on a regular basis. He seemed to fall in love with every woman he picked up. He actually proposed to several after dating them only once or twice. Dad is approaching 80, is fairly healthy and well-to-do. The problem is, he is deeply involved with one of those bar ladies who is about 20 years his junior. ''Rhoda'' is extremely rude, overbearing and not a nice person to be around. She is also going through his money like it's going out of style, and we are all concerned that at some point he won't have enough to care for himself. We have no doubt once the money's gone, Rhoda will be, too.

Rhoda has convinced Dad that his children are after his savings. The truth is, we are all doing quite well and don't need or want a nickel. She has caused an estrangement between Dad and most of his closest friends as well as a great many family members. He is just not the same person. Dad has openly admitted that Rhoda has very few redeeming qualities, but he can't bring himself to get out from under her spell.

I want Dad to be happy and would love for him to meet a really nice woman who would treat him right. He's so defensive about his relationship with Rhoda that talking doesn't do much good. Each day we find ourselves farther apart. Heartbroken Daughter Dear Heartbroken: Dad is lonely and susceptible to any woman who makes him feel desirable, but if he's mentally competent, there isn't much you can do. He is quite willing to let Rhoda take advantage of him. You need to keep a close eye on the situation in order to protect him. Suggest Dad see a lawyer so Rhoda cannot get her hands on money he will need to live on. Then be nice to Rhoda. Invite her over. If she doesn't see you as a threat, she will not isolate Dad and it will give him time to reassess the situation.

Insensitive friends Dear Annie: Four days ago, my husband and I waited 12 hours for the birth of our son's first baby. As soon as we were allowed to see our new grandchild, we rushed into the hospital room, thrilled beyond belief. Our joy was short-lived because soon after, our daughter-in-law's friends started arriving. My husband and I were speechless that grown people would be so rude and intrusive on our time.

Our grandchild was passed from friend to friend, and each one held the baby before my husband. I cannot believe the insensitivity of these people. We waited all day to share the joy with our son and his wife. These friends acted like they had a right to be there. They should have waited until the next day to visit and should have had enough common sense to know this was ''family time''.

We are saddened and angry that this once-in-a-lifetime moment was taken from us. Everyone watched the baby get his first bath while my husband and I looked over their shoulders. It was the ultimate intrusion, and the more I think about it, the angrier I become. No Name, No City Dear No Name: Please, please, please, let it go. Chances are, those friends were specifically invited by your son and his wife, who wanted to share their joy with as many people as possible. You will have plenty of opportunities to get to know your grandson, and this particular time will become insignificant. His birth was not about you, and we urge you not to give the impression that it was.

No stereotyping people Dear Annie: My husband and I were saddened by ''Arizona'', who complained about an obese man who works in his yard. Maybe if she got to know the man, she would find a wonderful human being inside this body. My obese friends are so much more than their weight, and for some of them, it takes great courage to carry on because of people with ''Arizona's'' attitude.

I think it's wonderful this man feels comfortable enough in his own skin to be out gardening and creating beauty. Perhaps instead of closing the blinds, she could open her heart. Thin in Camarillo Dear Camarillo: Stereotyping people on the basis of their looks is always a bad idea and precludes developing some wonderful friendships.

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